Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
