Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
