Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
