Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
