No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
