You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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