Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
