I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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