Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
