We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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