it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize