I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
