she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
