i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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