I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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