so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
