I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
