I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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