just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
