you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
