and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
