GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
