New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
