I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
