I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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