You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
