thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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