just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
