dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I could make wine with my vomit
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
