nut hugger
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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