I will die if light touches me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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