Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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