You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
