No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
