His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
