Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
