just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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