im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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