We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
