My hand turned me down
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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