I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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