dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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