I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
And then he peed in my hair
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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