Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
