How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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