I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize