I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
