11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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