1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
