I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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