I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
