If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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