Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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