I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
