Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
