Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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