Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
